(I wrote this last night, um I mean this morning after my birthday celebrations. There have been no edits to this since I wrote it, so this is what comes out of my mouth at 1:45 in the morning.)
Today I turn 25. Wow, did I think I would be at a different place in life than I am right now. Want to know where I thought I’d be at this stage in my life? Honestly. Married with kids. If you had asked me my freshman or sophomore year of high school or even college, I would have said married with at least one kid, if not another on the way.
I had it all planned out, didn’t I? Seriously, I thought I’d be married right out of college, wait a few years and then start having kids. Start having kids around 25. Did I think I’d be single, working 40+ hours a week with no boyfriend/relationship to speak of? Of course not. In the world I grew up in. you got married right out of college — that was the natural progression of things. Graduate, get married, have babies. But since I don’t have that, where does that leave me? I even question at times if I’ll ever marry. As many times as people say “it’ll happen”, “you’re such a catch”, “it’ll happen when you least expect it”, I wonder if they are just saying that because that is what is expected.
No matter what situation I’m in today, I need to cherish this time. Like for instance, this birthday. I sent out an email Sunday night saying we’re having a little get together (I literally invited six people), no big deal. We ended up meeting up at a bar in the neighborhood next to mine, five of us total (three of which I knew — the fourth was a cousin that happened to be in town). And honestly, it was perfect. We talked and joked.
Then, it got even more perfect. Tracy and her cousin had to leave — that’s not what made it perfect, I am so glad they were able to come out!–but it left Kate and Rebecca. And that was perfect. It reminded me of New Years’ Eve, the last time it was just the three of us. It was perfect in the fact that we were able to talk … not just about the fact that we were all single (even though that was talked about!), but the fact that we’re all searching for something, especially in the terms of our churches. I’m searching for a new church, possibly found something; Rebecca is wondering if she wants to continue to go to church; and Kate is involved in the church we originally went to but is feeling abandoned and lonely, but stuck — but at the same time feeling connected to the community she’s made there. We talked for a while about what we’re each looking for — what our current church is providing, what it isn’t providing and what we’re finding in different communities. It was just a raw, real and deep conversation that was needed between us. I think it brought us closer and allowed us to feel the connection that we’ve been looking for.
It helps that I had a little bit to drink! Two Strongbows and two glasses of red wine helped the conversation! The crazy thing is that my alarm is going off in, ummm…yeah, three and a half hours. Ouch.
It was a great birthday — and I thank God for it — it was definitely, in a selfish way, what I was looking for —my two best friends in Seattle getting together to just be. Perfection.
So, I’m okay where I’m at right now. I’m not alone. I have great friends that are struggling with the same thing I am. I have a God that loves me and has a plan for me that’s even bigger than I could imagine. And for that, I’m excited.